Six months ago today was the worst day of my life.
Six months ago today my wife, my love died in front of me.
Six months ago today I became a father only to be told my son died.
Six months ago today I fell on the floor in tears.
Six months ago today my family, overcome by their own grief, enveloped me with their love and support.
Six months ago today I last kissed Karen, caressed her hair, felt her skin against mine, and wept.
Six months ago today I felt my life ended, my future lost, and the world crashed down around me.
Six months ago today I sat numbly in my rabbi's office vainly trying to make sense of what happened.
Today, six months later, I still cannot make sense of what happened and live day to day with the horrible memories of that day, memories which I press out of my mind however temporarily by remembering the indescribably wonderful fourteen months we had together.
Today, six months later, I am living - getting out of bed each morning and trying to create something new from the shards of the shattered life I once had.
It is hard, but I press on with my journey.
It is what she would have wanted me to do. It is what I need to do to honor her memory.
I miss her so much.
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Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing OK, and that you don't mind me commenting here on your blog. Everyone at MDS checks in on your blog frequently and are here for you if you ever feel like talking to a lot of anonymous internet strangers, lol.
You are amazingly strong and I really look up to you for that.
<3 Sue
Heartache in Kansas on reading this. I lost a close friend 2 years ago and still ... bewilderment. No words really exist for what happened. The world slipped its axis and I live in a totally new place now with no map and little hope of finding one. Its posts like this that let me know I am not alone. Thank you for writing about it. Trudge on.
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